Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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