I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
