Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
