Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
do nipples grow back?
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