Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
