I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
