Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
