just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
