You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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