If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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