Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
