I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
