Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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