my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
