there's paper in my vomit.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
