I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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