So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
