He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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