At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
