I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
