I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
