haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
