Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
