Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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