areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
