Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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