My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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