Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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