we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
