plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
