I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
