jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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