well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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