I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
