We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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