her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
