Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
