I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
