i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
