I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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