it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
