i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
