Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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