ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
