what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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