a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
