"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
