At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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