He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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