i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
4 words: hood of his car
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
