im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
